I sat watching the tiny tree, and its 10 white lights
the cluttered room coated with a warm glow
that reminded me of deep plush carpet against my head
the dial of the receiver the only illumination in the room
as I lay back and dream of younger times
I am more alone than I have ever been
You disappeared into the holiday time
gone on a trip that I cannot follow this year
Charlie Brown would be pleased with the meager tree
and the quiet mystique of simplicity
wondering when you would see it
and I remember you’re no longer there
How many times did you sit and suffer?
How often did you curl up, lost and lonely and discarded?
Lonely Christmas nights while your children
left on the road 7 or 8 hours away
they having a family time, without you
Then as we grew and decided to spend our time
with friends or in other ways outside your presence
You left feeling that you were never more than
an obligation that was to be met with a phone call
and you sat suffering in the season of separation
Now, I am a stubborn one, never one for much decoration
never for much circumstance to remind of this time of year
Yet you loved it all, even when many times you
sat having Christmas outside his house
And you never really got to have what you enjoy
Wassail smells are missing, and the nativity that I never unpacked
still sits in the closet where you told me to keep it for you
Even after your Christmas became Ugandan
the last Christmas you would ever see, I was gone, on the road
for a good cause yes, but it still echoes of the neglect
and you spent your time alone in my home, watching these 10 lights
Tonight I understand what you must have felt
knowing that one you loved was too far to hug
too busy for the opportunity to sit and share
and the only comfort to a beleaguered soul is
the warm glow to remind that I am alone
but not unloved, but feeling a bit neglected
I’m sorry we never showed the same to you
10:58 am
7 December 2010
