Let olde acquaintances be forgot and never brought to mind…

Yeah, that’s how the human mind works.  I can’t help it.  Usually I forget for a little while, due to people who aren’t exactly right in front of me, but I never truly forget.  It’s the way I used to deal with reality.  Because I lived my live like Mickey Mantle… who didn’t think he’d live past 40 (me, 23, but that’s another story), with nothing held back.  Sometimes those friends in my life sure took it on the chin.  It’s hard to love someone who goes full-tilt all the time.  It’s even harder to catch up with them.  You could always take all of my time, in small spurts.  If someone needed it, I gave it to them with the attention and energy.

But, that makes it hard on someone who’s not there in the same room anymore, and they feel like I didn’t care to keep in touch with them.  I wish I could apologise to them for my lifestyle, and the pains that put them through.  My family, my closest friends… the only really wonderful thing is that they didn’t actually have to live my life with me… they always could, and did often, drop it at my feet and leave.

But, when things got quiet.  Really still.  My heart even now, longs for the close contact and communication that was there between myself and my friends.  I’ve had some of the best people in the world walk through my life.  And just like I have spouted for decades… people are a gift.  Sometimes the gift is just for a mere moment, sometimes it’s for a lifetime.  Honestly, I’ve been given some wonderful gifts in my life… I would love it if perhaps someday a gift might make it past the 10 year barrier.

But, even those of you who are far away, even though I may not focus on you, since you need others closer to you to take care of you.  My heart never strays far from praying for you.  Longing to give and receive hugs, encouragement, and the blessing of your presence.  Sometimes, it was the hope of being reconciled to those who have walked away, that gave me the strength to get up during chemotherapy and make it another day.  Dreams are meant to be lived, every once in a while.  My dream is that I wouldn’t have to feel like it would be a miracle to see some of you again.  Dreams are supposed to come true, every once in a while, aren’t they?

Much love to you all, may your new year bring the peace that passes all understanding, and the grace that drowns a multitude of sin.

Peace,

C

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