There are too many things that one might caught up with in our society.  Activism, politics (they are sometimes mutually exclusive), religion (see previous aside), pleasure, distraction, family, war, health, heart, dissociation, and even dandelions.

I think often we are unable to move forward in our lives.  We’re so caught up with things that we choose to care about or be interested in, that moving forward is tantamount to starting our lives over.  That’s why this time of the year appeals to us.  It’s a new year, we can do new things… whether we truly believe it or not, we’ll allow ourselves to maintain the fantasy as long as we can.

Addicts of all types know the truth… you don’t get new overnight.  Even if we’ve mastered a step forward, there’s no telling when we might come back full circle after a few months, or even a few years.  We’re at least designed to be cyclical creatures.  At least, my life experience has taught me that.  So, new happens after being months and even years in the making.  That makes it nothing new.  For some, looking at the process of change in our lives is defeatist, or realistic. 

I disagree.

We are created to take each day and see the possibilities and know that it won’t be like yesterday, and we’ve no way to know how it will compare to tomorrow.  That’s why moving forward seems like a possibility.  That’s why change is not only possible, it’s inevitable.  But, real change happens not today… but months from now.  That’s why new year’s resolutions fail.  We don’t count the cost of them.  At least not really.

Me, I have oftentimes found myself ready to move forward without tether.  For the longest time, if I could drop everything and pour myself into something, I felt alive, felt free.  But, when my possessions no longer fit in my car, or I actually started having furniture… my point of view didn’t change, but I couldn’t reconcile my understanding with reality.  So, I would grow restless, and get myself into trouble.  To run, without guidelines in the hopes of embodying the ability to be whoever God wanted me to be, at that moment, at that time.

But, I didn’t get it.  In some ways, I still don’t.  Yet, I’ve come to the realisation that being static, doesn’t mean being stagnant.  Being in one place, doesn’t mean I’m going to be the same person day in and day out.  Being set in stone, doesn’t mean I become facetless…

If Simon can become Peter, and Saul may become Paul… Charles can be… well, it would be presumptuous to pick the name our Lord might have for me. (my own nome de plume Zandal Twist, is quite the mash of influences, but I’d rather have the Lord’s say just this once)  Suffice it to say, we’re freed up to move forward when we realise the tether is not there to limit us, it’s there to help us fulfill us.  Being freed to do anything, usually leads to doing nothing, or at least nothing well.  My own past tells me of that truth also.

I resolve not to be resolute, but to take a small step.  Perhaps someday, I’ll be used more and corrected less, and perhaps someday the impact that my heart’s desire has for others will be made manifest not in being able to be there for a moment and be gone… but in the change that takes a lifetime of knowing and being known.

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