Sometimes, I think too much.  Really.  It allows my mind to spin out of control and obsess with many things.  Wonders, horrors, joys, and inanities.  For the most part, that ability seems to be something that keeps the wheels from moving me forward.  The wheels spin in place while I should be gearing up for the next step… the next hurdle or obstacle.

Really, I think too much.  Or perhaps more appropriately, I feel too much.  Today, I was encountering the dull quiet inside, and reveling in it.  Outside the winds howled and the clouds skated past.  The waters outside my window were racing.  My soul felt like it should sit inside the tempest and find the calm in its midst.  It also got overwhelmed and I sat in my papa-san chair and strained to hear the nothingness outside my window.  In my chair where I usually spent my quiet times and prayer times, I was in a bubble of absolute silence.  It’s so rare in my world, that I sat, and waited for it to permeate my soul.

           only nothing…

And, I wondered why I wasn’t more moved.  To a certain extent, I recognised that I was underwhelmed.  Now, thinking about that, I find that I’m not so happy about that.  I wonder if my heart is growing colder to the stimuli of God’s hand in His creation.  I also wonder if that means that I am holding too tightly to the hope of inspiration and … and …

I think too much.  It gets in the way of either being, or becoming.

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