This is the season when people watch their children go to school in the fall.  At least in the United States.  After so many years of preparing that time in my life, I would guess that I am programmed to be expectant during the fall.  I have always enjoyed the vibrance that comes with that expectation, the promise of new times, new people, new challenges…  something borrowed, something new…  it’s like a great marriage of ideas and experience.

Everything from slowly going through the school supplies aisles to pick out just the right pens, just the right notebooks… to the inevitable new clothes that replaced the ones that I had just grown into in the spring… speaks of change.  Change to a temporary person is absolute and unwavering.  (funny that change can be unwavering)  It’s almost necessary.  A temporary person doesn’t know how to live one’s life if there is a pervading sameness all  the time.

I especially miss those times now.  I have something stirring inside of me crying out to buy new books and take a new class, even if it’s something I don’t particularly care for just for the experience of being in class.  At the college level, new years were always especially wonderful.  I had InterVarsity to allow me an actual vehicle to meet new people on purpose, get to know them, hang out, have fun… and challenge myself and others with God’s truth and God’s creation.

It turns out that this fall I won’t be moving to Birmingham.  I have so very much wanted that this fall could be a new chapter in my life.  It may in fact turn out to be, but it won’t be in Alabama.  Time keeps moving along mercilessly.  That place stirring inside me during this time of year is actually weeping a bit.  Nothing will allow me to escape this physical place, except perhaps me.  It angers me that I spent the better part of 9 months planning and preparing for this, boxed up almost everything that I own, and on its face, it was all for naught.  But the person that I am, having been temporary for so long, aches for another temporary jaunt into another place, another time.  I think that’s what bothers me so much this year, as opposed to other years.

I was supposed to be on my new campus this fall.  Well, not a campus per se, but I was supposed to be there, not here.  So, I’m not too enthused at the moment.  A friend of mine posted a great question in one of her blogs recently.  Melody wrote:

When was the last time you did something that scared you?

For me, it has been the last 9 months of my life trying to become a person worthy of investing in something long term.  I have been living in this area for over 12 years.  It’s time to move on to another place, and do something differently in my own life.  Apparently, I still have much to learn.