It’s been a little while coming.  The processing that happened in a small amount of time.  A sense of trying to get things right.  It’s been 4 1/2 months, and it is not just another day in the progress.  It’s not quite another step forward.  The steps are in circles, yet none of the terrain seems familiar.  That’s the way it’s really supposed to be, I suppose.

Over the last few months, I have been deliberately writing and exploring.  It’s really strange to me, but I have come to the understand that while I have been sitting down and trying to write I have been working on one issue.  Just different aspects of it.  I haven’t really been trying to figure out the answers to the universe.  A friend of mine pointed out something that I have to chew on again.   I keep coming back to the issue of understanding grace.  But it appears it might be a dynamic between me and Christ that is askew.

Just like my mother struggled with self-worth.  She didn’t believe she could be any use to God and fought against that all her life.  I struggle with what and who God takes away from me.  The things gone.  People gone.  God… gone?

It’s a memoriam to my understanding once again.  Because this time it’s not something I can understand intellectually.  It’s got to be more.

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