Time to move forward, as

each time I try you meet me my life goes careening

The last time it almost killed me

while I trained my eyes upon a Hokkaido sunrise

eyes, crackling with the fervor that only a sense of divinity

and proportion infuses within a tired soul

my soul

my barren field

covered in layered dust and plowless, furrowless

so long the ground lay tired and suffering insomnia

a tortured response to the promise of lush green plants

basketfuls of fruit

your people, coming to hear your voice

   to hear your freedom

in my life….

Time to move forward, lest

each layer of picturesque frozen wasteland becomes insulating

The next one could cause me to never wake up again

while my heart, left desperately wanting for so long fails in its

dreams, awash in the purpose of transcendence of the soul

and curls up awaiting the end in seemingly endless

            slumber

            a painless hibernation

covered by the dichotomy of regret and blinding faith

now given to giving up like some sacrifice of remembrance

a personal ache throwing away the promise of resilience

handfuls of hope

your hope, being shared to those who can see the remnant

       hear the truth

in your sacrifice…

    

I am sorry I gave up

I am sorry I didn’t believe when I couldn’t see

or hear that you would not forsake me

Forgive me the lack of faith

Forgive me the lack of selfless trust in your perfection

or memory of what you said to me

Time to move forward

Time to give up giving up so that you will be proved right

and justified when you judge me

        

from the shrove

 

3:27 pm

16 February 2010