Tag Archive: Creativity


Like footprints in wet soil, the markings linger

their permanence dependent upon the tracks left

hardening as time moves forward

They show the paths taken, each motion the labour of countless days

confined to mere inches in space

constrained to etches on weary wood

depressions

carved across my desk

Truths cutting through a glossy surface reality

echoes tied to a stained surface

a static past

tethered to an ever moving future

like shadow figures dancing on a darkened wall

outlined in the negative

as idle hands explore and reach

as idle minds explain and teach concepts

instead of searching fulfillment  out

distractions make false impressions

Remnants of divine purpose imprinted

show

the exposure beneath the motions

Heartfelt wood carved by hardened loss

an absence extended

by its existence

an overt redundancy

 

27 July 2013

1:46 am

 

The endless cycle of idea and action,

Endless invention, endless experiment,

Brings knowledge of motion, but not of stillness

Knowledge of speech, but not of silence—T.S. Eliot, Choruses from “The Rock”

As with all aspects of life, things change.  Lately, I feel that my little corner of the world isn’t filled with writing.  I used to squirrel away time just for reflection and focus.  Sometimes in the past, I would have lapses where I wouldn’t write very much.  We all go through that.  It’s uncomfortable and awkward.  When I would spend time in that place, I could always convince myself that I was essentially a field lying fallow for a season.  Lately, I don’t believe that to be the case.  It’s a different feeling underneath my skin that I have.  My writing has always been a refuge, a place to figure out what the world is doing while it spins along.  I would trust that whatever would come pouring out would be unfiltered and would contain the nuggets of my experience that would help me make sense of what was happening to me, of who I was becoming.

That’s why I started this blog in the first place.  I had a smaller haphazard blog on Xanga almost a decade ago, and when I decided that I wanted to use a creative space to plow and tend to the fields that I called my life, I came here.  A new friend of mine had one on here and theirs challenged me to go deeper.  At that moment in life, I recognized that biggest issue was the concept of being temporary.  So, in the hopes that God would fashion me in a new way, I set out to look for this concept of being more permanent.  Now, as I look at my life, I recognize that I’ve made great strides, due to people who I have met along the way, due to people who I’ve lost along the way, and due to the fact that sometimes God meets us when we seek Him.

Believe it or not, I started this blog post essentially to make the statement (with a little more depth) that it was time to shut this blog site down.  I recognise that  have learned quite a bit about being more permanent.  No longer blown about by the winds of change, my character and my understanding is focused on making a long-term investment in life.  In people.  In career paths.  In use of gifts.  In family.  In faith.  If you had asked me a couple of years ago where I would be headed, I couldn’t have given you an honest answer.  I didn’t really know.  Now, I see a path that seems to be leading upward from here.  There are opportunities, and there are choices.  I am waiting around to see what comes from it all.  I’m not investigating about being temporary anymore, because the term no longer aptly applies to me.  That is both exciting and terrifying to say.

Given a new path to walk, everything is new.  I even process life more with my verbal words than I do with writing.  That is where my own struggles with fleshing out thoughts and inspiration seem to originate.  It may be because I am inordinately busy, or it may be because I now find myself with a plethora of relationships with people who prefer to sit and really talk with one another.  Or there may be something else afoot.  But this time is not one I have gone through previously, so I have no reference point other than to try to live my life out loud and in accountable ways.  It’s like I don’t need this creative space anymore because I need other spaces more.  And…. and that, is a part of being a living and growing human being.

It’s all so esoteric. I laugh a lot thinking about it really.

Then something funny happened.  Someone who I admire a great deal finally broke through and became published.  Other folks knew about it before I did, but when I heard the news I jumped for joy.  (I am extremely earth-bound in my life right now)  Over the years, I have seen people to whom I knew God had given special talents blossom and be recognised for their gifts.  Actors and actresses, painters, writers, musicians…  Even teachers, pastors, and missionaries.  Others have mentioned from time to time that I was such an encouragement or that they appreciated the passion that I had for them getting the most out of their gifts.  Each time, I would hear the news and be 6 parts happy and 4 parts jealous.  But this time, I knew something changed in me.  All I was, and still am, is extremely pleased.  Unreservedly and unabashedly proud and ecstatic.  It is such a pure emotion that my tired heart has been able to absorb the blessing of seeing someone else blessed.  That isn’t quite the reaction of someone who doesn’t stick around to see how the story ends.  That isn’t the reaction of someone who comes into a situation, is used for a moment and then flitters off like a dragonfly somewhere else.

God, for whatever reason, has used me in places that others couldn’t be used.  Sometimes in retrospect I recognise that He uses me to teach me something new about Him.  Other times, I just know that since I’m not wired like everyone else, He can just pick me up and move me.  It has always been a comfort to me that He can use me.  There have been times in my life where I doubted I ever could be.  However, in the past, it has rarely been in those places where I would be there for round 2, or 3, or 15.

With my friend being published, it was different.  She told me that a few years ago if I hadn’t spoken up and pushed her to really write, it never would have happened.  She “blamed it all on me”.  Even though I may have never let on how important it was to hear those words, they cut me to the quick.  Even though it was a very happy occasion, there is a part of me inside that just wept.  See, that’s the type of impact someone can make that lasts a lifetime.  That God would take someone like I have been for most of my life, and He would find some concrete use of me to encourage and help someone let their God-given gifts grow… it’s incomprehensible to me.  It feels like reclamation to me.  It feels like restoration to me.  It feels like undeserving grace… like prayers being answered.

Prayers open doors and close them.  But having them answered is so much richer of an experience.  This time I recognised that God has really done some work in me.  I am grateful and undeserving.  So, rather than shut the doors down due to not writing as much, I am going to try very hard to find a way to retool things here.  Perhaps it’s a new direction and thus a new blog site, or perhaps it’s revamping this one so there are different areas to play around in on here.  But, if I really am changing, then I have to stick around awhile, don’t I?

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