Tag Archive: Need


In the wake of what I am
changing reality
an argument against maturity
I don’t
want
to have to choose
Forced by a hard night’s floor
one foot stepped
planted
placed by a hand that knows
the difference between each
defensive position
Now another reminder
comes
Frail life
more transparently short
than we admit to ourselves
and all
I hear screaming
is my selfish childlike voice
echoing
I’m not ready yet
I don’t want to learn
to
live without you

As if this
is truly anything
at
all
about what I want
It becomes a twisted mirror
propped up
by absence and possibilities
and
my
myopia
is the image sobbing
as I look on
Afraid
that I might be forced
to admit to myself
A man
stands
with self-reliance
Inside the twisted wreckage
yelps
a bleating cry
repeating
embarrassing phrases
about self-reliance
and feet
standing in
shifting soil
due to the lack of desire
to be more than
dependant
and
unable to make it
to
live without you
here

I’m not prepared
for a time
coming like a car
out of the blue
A collision of maturity,
ideals,
and still wanting
while needing you
like a child
relies upon
his father
to be able to stand

 

7:03 am
15 March 2012

Too often when we become complacent in life, when we become caught up in the same path of steps over and over, it’s because we’re no longer hungry.  When we purchase our new home, have a solid career, finally have a family with children, become enmeshed within a community… that’s when we feel that we’ve finally made it.  It doesn’t mean that we’ve got less stress or frustrations.  Often the things that we want come with huge strings attached.  (evidenced by anyone that has a home that is under constant repair, or anyone that has a 2-year-old)

After enjoying such wonderful gifts in our lives, we start to have expectations about what we either deserve, or should have in our lives.  It becomes less about what we want to achieve and more about how we want to maintain.  We work harder to maintain our lifestyles, pour more effort into keeping up a certain level of living.  It’s natural.  We want to get to a point where we don’t have to work as hard to be happy, and then the work put into maintaining that life becomes all important.  The wants become the needs, and then the wants have to be worked for and maintained.

For some, it’s all about the stuff.  Having the newest iPhone(tm), gaming systems, or biggest televisions.  I have several friends that are completely trapped within that mindset.  It makes people happy to get new stuff once in a while, me included.  For others, it’s about the comfort.  Security in their homes, pools in their backyards, trampolines in their yards, and new cars in the driveway.   Still others look at being in a community, like a church, or a social group as that thing that makes their lives what they want. 

Unfortunately, we lose something when we achieve these things that accentuate our lifestyles.  We lose a hunger for life.  We lose forward momentum.  Often, we lose perspective on what is important in life, and the things we wanted so much to have… well, they end up having us.  We work to maintain what we no longer have to work for.  We become afraid of losing the status, community, comfort, stuff that we worked hard to gain. 

I realise that it might be because I don’t value some of these things as highly as others, but I would rather be almost homeless and struggling to get by.  My eyes constantly strain to keep on what is really important.  I have compassion for those who are without, and often I go without so they can go with:  food, lodging, clothes, etc.  Yet, I have dear friends who have at every opportunity infused another piece of their puzzle into their lives.  Rarely do they consider that all of their excess, level of living comfort, could do great things for those that do not want a brand new flat screen tv… they just want something to eat sometime this week.  I have a great belief that the affluence of our world inoculates us and numbs us to the situations of those who are around us in need.

I ask these questions often… why is it that it takes an earthquake, oil spill, hurricane, or disaster before we take our eyes off what makes us content and see what others deal with every day?  Why aren’t those who have naturally looking for ways to help those who have not?  Why is it when we have almost nothing that we’re more likely to give what we have, and when we have far more than we need that we won’t give what we can spare?

I’ve been homeless and lived in a mansion before.  I’ve been overpaid and also been completely destitute.  I’ve been without food for longer than a week before.  And right now, I have lots of food in my cupboard that I’m trying to eat before I purchase anything else at the store.    Yet, there is a dozen doughnuts calling out to me that I obviously don’t need.

 

The haves and the have-nots need to have a meeting or something…

I’m trying to learn how to live hungry so someone else doesn’t starve. 

I’m trying to live poor so that someone can have a roof over their head. 

I’m trying to be uncomfortable so someone doesn’t have to be bare and exposed. 

I’m trying to live without so someone can learn to live.

 

Trying doesn’t seem to do enough for me.  Trying doesn’t seem to do enough for folks who need more.

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