Tag Archive: Observations


Sheltering: an allegory

*(This is an allegory, which is an extended metaphor that represents concepts and ideas.  Read into it whatever you will.)*

When we are young, we must be protected from the world in which we live.  There are too many things that can harm a defenseless child.  As we get older, our parents and those around us that love us try to give us tools and skills to be able to survive.  Some of those are actual fundamental skills:  walking, talking, and the like.  Others are subjective skills:  morals, values, judgment, etc.  Still others are functional skills:  social interaction, interpretation of actions, dealing with different points of view, critical thinking, etc.  Because, as we all know, at some point this child is going to be old enough that they will have to be able to function in the world on their own.

How we get those children to that point is up for debate.  But before they are ready, we give them some form of shelter to varying degrees as they grow up.

The ideas to get them ready are varied and diverse.  The methods come from all over the place.  Some believe in uniformity for learning, and others emphasize individuality.  All of them have some aspects of truth and/or success.  Most people have significant opinions about how it gets done.  Some are so strong that arguments ensue when their beliefs are questioned.  I believe these strong beliefs mean two things.  One, that these people truly care about the children in these systems.  Two, if one’s ideas are “wrong”, then they have been essentially not doing right by their children.

At some point, however, the sheltering needs to be pulled away.   Mentally, emotionally, ideologically, spiritually, and of course physically we shelter our children until such time as the skills to survive should be in place.  Otherwise, the children become ill-prepared to take on the struggles and hardships that the world inflicts upon us.  As someone who works with children in various situations, I recognise when children aren’t well-prepared and are lacking skills or coping mechanisms to have success.

I was one of those kids who was well-prepared for many things, but I was sheltered in various ways, especially in dealing with the ramifications of my own actions.  Also, the consequences of my life choices were headed off in many respects far past the time when they should have counted against me.  With authority, I recognise when someone is given a pass on some issue in their lives.  When children are young, if they don’t learn that lesson early, the lesson takes on a larger and larger consequence the older they get.

Parents love their children, so they often want to protect them from things that scare them about this world.  That’s why so many home school their children.  I applaud anyone taking that much of an interest in their kids’ education.  It offers a parent the ability to teach the children a value structure that matches their core beliefs as a family.  It’s a great crucible for some parents/teachers to be able to give  their children an education and give them some of the other skills that we all desperately need in life while being to reasonably keep some issues that kids deal with far too quickly in today’s society.  It’s a great shelter to have for children, one that if used correctly provides an invaluable experience for children to become who they are supposed to be.

A question:  when should that shelter be pulled back so that children have to deal with a world that doesn’t necessarily treat people like homeschooling?

Different expectations, different voices, different influences.  Different experiences.  As someone who works with a youth group, I want each of my kids to be able to withstand, to quote Shakespeare, “the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” that is found far too often in the real world.  I want their faiths to be unshakeable, and sometimes (actually every time) to achieve that, we need to be shaken and challenged.  Shakespeare says that there are two ways of dealing with hardship:  accepting difficulty and toughing it out, or attempting to overcome the hardship, and solve the issue which makes life easier.  I want for them to be able to say what they know to be true because they know it.  I want them to know that they can figure things out on their own, without help.  I want for them to overcome obstacles and to be able to meet challenges head-on.

However, we as authority figures in our kids’ lives often want to keep them from suffering anything that can be avoided.  We want to protect them from things that we know hurt them.

Parent birds throw their kids out of the nest at some point, and if they don’t fly, they crash and die.  That doesn’t sound like a great idea to me, but keeping the bird in the nest for the next 15 years doesn’t make sense either.  People that don’t home school often see their children deal with extreme adult issues really early in their lives.  It’s more like crashing and burning.  If I had children of my own, I would be seriously torn about what I would want to do.  Because going through life teaches us things that learning from words never can.  Living is a great classroom.  Experiences are great lessons, if guided by someone who cares to get the very best from their children.

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*(I don’t believe the following about everyone, it’s an observation.)*

Our churches, bible studies, youth groups, and whatnot often do the same thing.  We shelter people from living life, without preparing people to deal with real consequences of faith, or the lack thereof.  We can be so focused on learning that we never apply what we’re learning.  Then we end up with people who aren’t prepared when the world challenges us with “whys and hows”.  Just because this is how we do it, isn’t an informed answer.  Or, we can be so involved in protecting ourselves from ideology and philosophy from outside our faith that we couldn’t have an intelligent discussion about what makes Christ different and significant to someone else.  It creates a “we’re right and you’re wrong” adversarial mentality, and encourages people to put labels upon outside influences without actually being able to engage them as people.  Funny still, is that we can become so insulated that we really don’t ever have deep contact with someone outside of our own faith or point of view.  We aren’t ever challenged by the world, nor do we ever challenge with world with the truth that we have.

 If we keep people from being challenged with things, and basically say to them that they don’t have to deal with difficulty or struggling, then we do them a grave disservice.  Sometimes, we have to have hard questions, and struggle to find the answers.  Like in education, if we constantly lower the bar and don’t challenge them to learn, they can end up impotent and ill-prepared to survive in the world.  Like in dealing with faith, to not prepare people to be able to meet the world knowing what we believe but also why and how it’s relevant… we become impotent and ill-prepared to serve the world.

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The best form of shelter is the ability to withstand or adapt to anything that the world throws at you,
not be isolated from anything that the world throws at you.

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Fresh on the heels of the scenario I recently wrote about, here is the next installment of my observations and struggles to figure out what is right.  The following is probably too simple and idealistic and not exacting enough for debate, but I’m fleshing out my reactions in the light of the verse below:

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God”–Matthew 5:9

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Now the problem with the previous exploration is that I want to extrapolate it.  Perhaps it isn’t something that can be expanded to society at large or to a global scale.  Our country often finds itself in situations similar to that.  However, our country is invested in keeping conflict going rather than resolving it.  In our history, we have entered into conflict around the world, and basically become the onlooker in the above situation.  In our haste, we have jumped in and protected one side of a conflict without flinching and then found ourselves protecting that side forever afterwards.  Other times, we have reacted to such a situation and provided one side the ability to overwhelm the other.  In the aftermath of seeing the outcomes of both methods, we sometimes have a reactionary response.  We then provide aid and help to both sides of the conflict.

That happens so easily because conflict between peoples or nations rarely occurs in short durations of time.  Years and years can pass.  So as a benevolent nation, when we step to assist one side of a conflict we observe the horror that conflict brings.  So, we step in and provide aid to the other side of the conflict.  Medical supplies, food, infrastructure, trade, and even weaponry are things that we’ve provided to both sides of a conflict.  In fact, it’s rare nowadays that there isn’t some assistance to both sides of an international conflict that we’re not involved in reaching out to help.  That is because if we make sure that two sides of a conflict cannot wipe the other off the face of the earth then they eventually will find peace, right?

That reality sounds like a caring and compassionate extension of our character.  It really appears to be a positive philosophy.

Now let’s look at the scenario that I used earlier.  Two people beating on each other.  If we provide support on one side to equal the fight, the one that was “winning” earlier might seek out assistance from elsewhere.  (this happens)  Then the conflict gets worse because they come back with better weapons, more people, better tactical advantage, etc.  So we then have to jack up our support to either match again (so it will be a standoff), or to keep the other side from getting more support we have to over-support our ally.  Essentially we would provide a superior advantage to our ally to discourage them from ratcheting up their abilities.

What would you do if you all of a sudden had a superior position against someone who was previously beating you silly?  Many of us would try to get revenge.  As conflict escalates, more hurt and pain gets inflicted until it spirals out of control.  Dispute leads to conflict leads to confrontation leads to war.  Eventually, things will just get very ugly.

Now watching this as someone who is now involved and now responsible for giving the tools for revenge it hurts.  What do we do now?  If we are truly not wanting this to continue, we must get involved again, right?  Do we help the other side even the balance of power?  The USA has been doing basically that very thing for the better part of the last 100 years.  Most of the time, we unify against a grave injustice.  Other times, we’ve been working on both sides of situations and conflicts.

That statement makes me feel ill in reflection.  It basically means that we’ve basically watched the two people beat each other up, and provided arms and assistance to both sides for long periods of time.  Whatever our intentions that got us into the conflict, the longer we allow the conflicts to continue, the more pain, bloodshed, pain, and anguish happen to people.

I have a question echoing in my ears as I think about this.  How long will the people involved in the conflicts go until they realise that the real enemy in the situation is us?  Because it occurs to me that if we provide military assistance to both sides, medical assistance to both sides, monetary support to both sides… we are on the side of the CONFLICT itself!

I view what happened to us on 9/11 through that mentality.  Eventually people resented our involvement in their conflicts for so long that they were angrier at us than the nations and peoples they’ve been at war with for centuries.

To truly be a peacemaker, we have to end the conflict.  Pacifists have the mentality that all conflict that ends in war is unjust.  They believe war is not an answer.  I agree with starting a war, but ending one… that’s another question.  How do you help someone end their war?  How do we watch others’ conflicts and see the horrors that naturally come from them without being moved to action?  The answers don’t really come easy.

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